I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
