Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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