Pappa wants mamma naked
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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