you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Randomize
