high people should be assigned attendants
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
