I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
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