i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Randomize
