her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
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