Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
