She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
