He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I feel like a drive thru vagina
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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