We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
