my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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