Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
