wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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