We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
