if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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