Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
