u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
