all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I have feelings that need drinking.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
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