Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
