Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Randomize
