Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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