Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Randomize
