i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
We just shotgunned beers for America
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
