he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
