Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
