When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
