she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
