Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
