If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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