You smell like a Billy Joel song
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
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