youre lurking in front of me
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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