Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
