Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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