There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
