Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
You know, be my cock's hype man.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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