i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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