Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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