is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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