come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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