1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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