As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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