She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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