he referred to my room as the tit cave...
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
