Pants 0. Shit 1.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
