So drunk its hurt
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
