I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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