direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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