just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
