We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
